well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
