And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
