Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
