I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
