Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
