Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
