yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
