dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
