i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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