He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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