I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Less talking, more tequila
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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