apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
