Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
