this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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