he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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