Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
