Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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