ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
