She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is Oprah even human
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
