So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
