That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
