Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
