Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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