i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
