I want you more than these girls want KFC
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
