The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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