I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
