Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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