Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
