I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
