i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
