let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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