The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
