She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
