definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would fuck him just for his dog
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
