Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
