If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
