just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
