Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
