Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
