That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
