i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
