party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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