Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
