How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
