how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
