i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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