lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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