Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
