I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
