I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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