My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
