Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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