Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
