shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
