return my video game
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
