i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
