A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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