I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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