i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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