Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
