I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Two words: nipple clamps
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