I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My balls are so social today.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
